Welcome to Week 4!
Step #22: Go Backward to Move Forward
POV: You are working on curl clumps, getting that milky whiteness we talked about all last week, scrunching water in deeply, raking water through, roping your hair into sections.
But the softening that you know is possible (on your hair) just isn’t there.
You know somethings up, but you just formed these curl clumps and you don’t want to ruin them, so you go on.
I’d like to stop you right there.
The idea that you can’t go back and fix what you know isn’t right because you will ‘ruin’ the work you just did – it’s a LIE.
But I hear it all of the time.
I want to be clear on this one because it’s a true show stopper for so many on this journey.
It is safe to go backwards to move forward.
There are very few paths in life that go straight up a mountain. Trust me, I’ve hiked hundreds of them, they all twist and turn their way up switchbacks, over ridge lines, across streams, into valleys and then back up again.
That doesn’t mean you aren’t still moving you close to the summit. You are.
It’s just, maybe, not the path you imagined.
Know in your heart that there is no right or wrong when you are learning, saturating, clumping or styling your hair. There is only learning and growing.
When your hair doesn’t work out the way that you imagined, you didn’t fail, you learned what didn’t work.
There is literal power in that, power that most of us choose not to see. We see frustration and discontent where we could see progress and a more simple future.
How will you learn what doesn’t work for your hair until you try it and know for sure?
The only failure you can possibly have on this journey is to be so unsure of what to do next, what to play and experiment with, is that you do and try nothing new ever.
Failure is finding a comfort zone and refusing to leave it.
So, the next time you clumps aren’t the clumpiest, or your hair isn’t the smoothest or softest that you’ve felt it be, don’t be afraid to step back to move forward.
Go back to scrunching, raking and roping to further saturate, rinse out all of the conditioner and do it again, cleanse to create more space and remove build-up. Use the tools you have surrounded yourself with to keep pushing that limit.
Then re-clump and take note of the progress.
Your role is to play with and stay curious about your hair and compare yourself only to you. only to what you have seen.
Not to some fictitious image in your head of what you think should be possible based on something you saw someone else do or have.
Notice what’s working (and also what’s not) with you and only you.
One strategy will never work for us all. Wherever you’re at, whatever your clumps, they are perfect until you find what works better.
What is one thing that frustrated you about your hair last week? What did you (or could you have) learned from that blunder?? Journal it out and feel free to make a post with your thoughts inside of the Curly Connections.
Step #23: Getting Started With Your Curls, Episode 3
Our hair is damaged…Like, really damaged.
Product formulators know this. They know this so well that they intentionally design their products, not to help heal the hair, but to mask it and coat it and give us the impression that our hair is healthy.
They let us believe that it can heal just like that, in one single use.
They make it feel smooth, soft and luscious at all costs.
Make it look shiny, glossy and radiant no matter what.
That’s their #1 objective. And it works.
Not only because they can continuously coat that hair with products that don’t come out, but also because if you stop using them, you will legitimately hate how your hair feels.
You’re a lifer.
…or so they thought.
Now you are uncovering the truth.
If you hair has felt like its only getting worse throughout this challenge (or your journey in general) I want you to know that this is intentional.
The guys that make money off the way you used to do things…they don’t want you to stop. They don’t want you to discover total hair health.
If you did, you wouldn’t depend of them.
Think of this journey as if you are removing the mask that’s been placed on your hair for a decade (or more). Now, you are exposing the true damage beneath it.
It’s okay to see it. It recognize it, To feel it.
You have to be honest with yourself and the state of your hair and know it deserves better. You have to want in your true heart of hearts to heal it.
And set it free.
This week, I am going to show you how to use styling products in a whole new way. Not to lay flat and coat the surface of the hair like we’ve been taught before.
But to help trap and hold hydration in the hair and to support the creation of tighter, defined curls.
Are you ready?
Step #24: Putting It All Together
You have ALL the tools you need.
Over the last 23 days we have talked about dozens of curly hair styling strategies and worked together to create a truly bad-ass curly hair tool kit.
Let’s out those tools to work, what do you say?
We know the importance of fully and completely hydrating the hair and noticing when your hair isn’t taking on hydration the way you know it can.
We’ve talked about the power of the process and how to bring consciousness and intention to the actions of your hands – rather than the products you are using.
We have seen the photos of wet vs. soaking wet hair and how the hair tends to clump together more when it is fully saturated.
We are starting to recognize when our hair isn’t taking on hydration the way that we know it can.
Now it’s time to connect the dots and start designing a curly hair routine that works FOR YOU.
In this special LIVE event, I’ll be demonstrating these steps and putting together all of these strategies in a way that is easy to customize to what your hair needs.
You will learn how to:
- – Fully and completely saturate your hair.
- – Find that milky whiteness we have been talking about
- – Thoroughly condition the hair and help it take a long drink of the water it needs to soften and become flexible and strong.
- – Create the clumpiest curl clumps you have ever seen.
- – Style your hair like an absolute BOSS!
Over the past 2 weeks I have taken on seven new one-on-one, gotten in this very same tub, and shown then EXACTLY what motions to make and what products to use (and how to use them) to get the hair of YOUR Dreams.
Because if I know anything it’s that the process isn’t even close to the same for each of us.
We all want different things
We all have different hair.
We all approach our routine differently.
I have not failed yet. I have a 100% success rate in my one-on-one calls.
And there are only 6 spots left
I wouldn’t wait.
If you are ready to create a completely customized routine, one that is sure to give you the results you are looking for in a more fluid way, please feel free to book a complimentary 15 minute Discovery Call with me with no obligation of any kind.
Step #25: There are 1,000 Ways to Play
In 2019 I spent several weeks shadowing various curly hair experts across the country and learning from them.
The thing that surprised me the most is that, for the most part, they were doing the same routine pretty much over and over regardless of their clients. Regardless of hair type or curl pattern or thickness or porosity.
I was shocked.
Sure, the products were different here and there but the motions they made with their hands, the sequence of steps that they performed, they were more or less the same over and over again.
They made curly hair seemed so easy.
Looking back, this experience didn’t just open my eyes to the simplicity of curly hair, but it also closed me off in a box for a bit. Let me explain:
I came back here and shared what I learned with you all (obviously).
I wrote dozens of posts and made even more videos about how easy this could be. That all it took was a deep saturation, an intentional cleanse, a soaking wet condition and a couple of scrunches here and there.
Then, the hair of your dreams was yours.
But the results didn’t translate the way I expected. Members struggled. Many were frustrated. It wasn’t that easy.
Here’s the thing: Doing the same thing over and over worked for the hair stylists I was shadowing because their set up was the same.
Their rhythm was the same.
Their intention and unconscious movements and perspective was the same, every single day, day in and day out.
For us, here in this group, that is absolutely not the case. Let me give you some examples:
Some of us are saturating, cleansing, conditioning styling and drying upside down. Some of us are doing our hair completely right side up. Others are doing some portion of those steps one way, and then flipping your hair over and doing it the other.
There are many here in this group who are raking their hair in a downward motion, toward the ground when upside down, while others are lifting their hair off the scalp and creating more lift and free flowing roots.
About half of you condition just the mid shafts and ends, the other half all of the way to the roots and scalp.
There are more moving variables we we look at our routines. There is is shower styling, sink side styling, upside down styling, right side up styling, soaking wet styling, damp styling.
Some of us air dry, some diffuse or hood dry.
Once we leave the safety of the salon so much can happen. Half of it is conscious, or things that we notice.
Like the fact that we are standing in the shower seeing our hair from below while at the salon our head is leaning back in a bowl and our stylist is seeing our hair from above.
That’s pretty different.
The other half of what happens is unconscious. A scrunch we place to stop our hair from dripping all over the floor before we move from the shower to the sink.
Or moving around while our hair is drying when at the salon we sit perfectly still.
We all move differently, have different goals, want an individual kind of ease in our routine. And none of us are wrong.
In the video below you can see me do a tub side demonstration for one of my clients. Her hair is thinner than mine, less curly than mine, her goals different than mine.
It was my intention to show her a new combination of the same strategies she was already using, to move closer to the results she was looking for.
For example, she mentioned that she wanted more lift and coverage from her fine, thin hair, so I showed her a couple of simple strategies she could adjust in her routine to create intentionally create bulk by not applying conditioner to the roots, and using more encouraging scrunches with her under layers.
She was worried about frizz and lost of definition and curl pattern, especially on her top layer, so we focused many our frizz fighting and defining strategies there.
Because hair on different parts of the head may need to be treated differently.
I showed her how to lock in her style without pulling her curls too straight.
All of these motions, all of these styling strategies, she was already using, just differently. With different intention.
My point here is this: so much about your approach to your hair depends on you. Your rhythm, your comfort level, your intention.
There is no one routine, or set of styling strategies, that works for everyone, and there are literally thousands of ways to combine just a few of the strategies from our Glossary to drastically change your results.
I encourage you to read through what others are doing here. Spend time in the posts and thinking about the posters intention and how it aligns with yours.
Share what you are doing with them
Get curious about what strategies exist that you haven’t found yet.
Help another member who might benefit for something you’ve played with.
And never forget that there are a thousand ways to play with your curls.
It is safe to try new things.
It is fun to deviate from the rest.
It is perfect to step out of your normal routine and play.
What experiments do you have going on this week? Journal it out and feel free to make a post with your thoughts inside of the Curly Connections.
Step #26: Give Yourself Some Grace
I don’t know who gave failure such a bad rep, but my view is simple:
IT’S PART OF THE JOURNEY.
You can’t have the good without the bad, and if you did, it wouldn’t be so great.
Give yourself some friggin grace, girl ♡.
Today (or whenever it feels good to you) I would like to invite you to take a break and do NOTHING to your hair.
It’s just hair, and let’s be honest the progress you’ve made already is truly worth a little time off.
I cannot stress the importance of taking time off, enough.
Doing this half assed or because you feel like you have to, will ruin the journey. The moment that this challenge feels like a chore, you’ve already started losing.
Instead, I invite you to make this an adventure sparked by curiosity and the desire to know more about your hair and what it really needs.
The desire to love yourself a little bit more.
Rather than feel behind, or like you have to keep up – feel curious and excited about the moments you are here and forget the rest.
You didn’t miss anything.
All of these strategies are fun and exciting to try on their own.
Let them build and grow and evolve over the weeks, months and years.
Find the rhythm but allow it to change and flow with the melody.
I’ve seen thousands of women go through this process. The ones that have the most success aren’t the ones that break their back stressed out every day.
They’re the ones that carve out the time and do the work. Maybe not everyday, maybe just once a week, but when they do it, they’re intentional and present and curious and HAVING FUN.
Breathe girl. It’s happening. Even when your hair is is a messy bun or high pony.
Step #27: Two Types of Scrunches
From this moment forward, I want you to think of your hair like you are creating a sculpture or object (maybe a coffee mug?) out of clay.
It starts a dry powder (or dry hair strands), and it is your got to turn it into a substance that is part liquid, part solid. AKA wet clay.
A medium that is able to be influenced.
Its soft and pliable, yet strong enough to hold shape and be guided.
That’s the saturation step. It includes working water into your hair, detangling it, and using tools like cleansing and conditioning to help create that pliability.
We do these strategies until our hair is truly soaked and becomes flexible.
Some of us know our hair is supersaturated because we see that milky whiteness we’ve been talking about, others because the hair feels soft and smooth in the hands. Maybe your hair takes on that sea-weedy look and shape?
There are lots of different signs of saturation and they are different for everyone. It’s up to you to learn your hair’s language.
Once you get there, you’ve entered art class.
It’s time to take a seat at the turn table, plop some wet clay on it and get to work creating your masterpiece.
When it comes to your curls, this is when you move into styling mode.
The intention shifts.
You are no longer adding water to dry clay powder to create a malleable medium, you are working with that medium to create you desired outcome.
You want to encourage (or elongate) your curls into beautiful, defined, curly locks and freeze them in place, remembering that as long as the they are wet, it can be influenced and take shape and wherever it is when it dries is how it will stay.
Just like clay.
You can see more of what I mean in the video below.
Notice how in the beginning when I am talking about saturation, my scrunching is more of a pulse. its more manic and aloof, frequent and fast paced.
But when I am setting my curls, defining their shape and locking it in – my motions are more intention, more gentle and come with more pressure. There is more intention and accuracy, my hand makes more of a smash than a pulse.
I move slower.
Can you see it?
p.s. the videos this week were both taken from recordings of Tub Side Consultations that I did last week.
They are still available for a limited time.
If you are ready to get simple, customized steps to help you achieve your curly goals, now is the time.
If you are feeling called to learn more you can drop the hashtag #TUBSIDE in the comments of this post and I’ll shoot you the deets!
Step #28 Serenity Cream as a Sole Styler